a dream

I had a dream last night. And like most dreams, if we don't make an extra effort to remember them, they loose their clarity somewhere between sleep and awake, or most often are just forgotten. Most of my dreams are better left that way.

But last night I dreamt that Heather gave birth to twins. A boy first and then a girl. I don't remember a great deal except that the births were relatively easy. I remember people taking pictures of the babies and Heather updating her facebook. But mostly, I remember holding Gabriel, he intelligently locked eyes with me. And he was different than other babies. He wasn't see dependant, his face told me that he knew something that I didn't. He had peace, and really, he was here to watch over me and not the other way around. I looked over at Heather with Layla in her arms, happy, then I woke up.

Not that it meant and anything. We don't even know yet if we're having a boy or girl, and it would even be less likely that we were having twins. If we were I'm sure they'd have seen that in the first ultra sound. Just the same, we want both someday. But for now, it was nice to hold my son last night. Maybe I will again in 6 months. Maybe I'll be holding Layla instead.

Night

I write poetry/lyrics for music, all with a theme pointing to the cross. Here's a bit that I wrote tonight. This however will not be part of any song. And I just wanted to write something for myself. Not necessarily to be shared (except maybe in a blog.) Don't try to find a message of salvation in it. It's not there. On the contrary, it's a bit darker. I Titled this :



Night





Wanton dressed in scarlet sunset,

Lap the grief like blood and sweat,

Twilight turns her eyes away,

Cloaked in darkness come to play,

Incense flame and pheromone,

Bite the flesh down to the bone,

Sinking in bewitched benighted,

To live to love to die delighted,

Wrapped in moonlight angel's wings,

Buds in frost before the spring,

Sleeping swallow under stars,

Falling deep and dreaming hard.

If you know me, you know I don't talk as much as most people. I generally don't like to say anything unless it's worth saying. It seems I'm even worst about writing. No joke, I think I've written about ten times more than you've actually read so far. Funny too, because I'm actually a little ambitious about writing. Not that I think I have a great deal of insight to share. And my grammar tends to be a little...interesting. But everyone wants to be heard.

"You always wanted people to remember you, to leave your little mark on society"
-David Draiman

There's this constant struggle in me to try and find the best way to live. The struggle is not unique. The wisest man who lived found himself stumbling over the same questions that keep me awake at night. What can I do that matters? Does success really amount to anything? What advantage does the righteous man have in the long run? In the end King Solomon resolved that everything is meaningless, like trying to grab onto the wind. Go ahead and try, no point. Everyone comes into this world naked, that's how we'll all leave.

So what do we do? Here's what Solomon said-"eat, drink and be merry." Not that I believe that this is the best way to live, that is, it's not enought to have JUST this philosophy. I know Jesus. Solomon didn't have an eternal perspective. He should have known God was greater than his great wisdom. But alas, even with his God given understanding of the world, he let the beauty of pagan women steal his heart away. Just goes to show you that there are no righteous...not one. But I think with the whole eat, drink and be merry motto, Solomon was trying to communicate something vital that most of us miss.

Eat, drink and be merry, sounds simple enough right? But how many of us have really learned to stop worrying about the future? Who can say that they don't dwell on regrets from the past all too often? I think what Solomon was really trying to say is, life is temporary. Don't miss the beauty in each moment, whether it's good company, the taste of food, or laughter. I think King Solomon was the type to rise early in the morning and take in the beauty of a sunrise, definitely stopped to smell the roses and was still probably the life of the party. How many people only learn to live in the moment after traumatic near death experiences?

But it is best to live for God, to enjoy the sunrises with Him. Thank him for the beauty He created. See the world through His eyes, then we'll find what matters. He'll change your perspective. Don't get caught up in what the world thinks matters. They don't know anything. At the end of the rat race you'll stop and find that you never learned to live, only learned to be successful, and that's just vanity and a grasping for the wind.